Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
