life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
