did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
