ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
