just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
