I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
