Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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