So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
