im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
