I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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