when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
