So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
