Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
