I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
