Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it's like iHOP with fire
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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