I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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