dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
