dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
