My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
