Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
