yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
