I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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