i barfeds in our rink
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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