Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
