I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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