She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize