Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
