He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
