So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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