as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
