i jhust puked up my retainher.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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