i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
