You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
