I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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