What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
