I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The struggles of a small town man whore
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
