Well douche your snatch and let's go!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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