I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize