his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
