I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
