A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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