I want to make a zoo with you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
