the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
