I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
