dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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