Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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