She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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