my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
