I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
