well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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