I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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