there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
