Im at strip club and am horny
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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