perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
