Don't you send me to vm
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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