sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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