i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
