his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
