i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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