and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
