shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
