remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
love makes seman taste better
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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