Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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