I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
