All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
