I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
